So many men have internalized the lie that they have uncontrollable sex drives, and no way to control their anger. They aren’t ashamed of their abusive behavior because they see it as a something natural to them and maybe even central to their masculinity. It’s scary as hell.
I feel like I’m an outlier with this, I can control my anger pretty well but sometimes I bottle it up for so long that i get really depressed and suicidal. For the sex part - well - i have an STI and that changes everything. In fact, I’m almost scared of having sex nowadays because I don’t want to end up giving it to someone else or deal with the emotional anxiety of having sex and not telling someone until later or never, which is what happened to me. Nobody deserves this.
That said, I’m always struggling with my identity and have a lot of problems with masculinity - as in not being masculine or assertive enough that people think I’m weak which is lame but you know, whatever. If I’m too assertive or strong-headed, I feel like an asshole. If I’m emotional and stand-offish, I’m a “pussy”.
Anyways, it is scary that men have internalized these kinds of things but it’s also scary that the suicide rate among men is higher than women (although it is even higher for trans* persons.) I have some good friends who are male and have anger problems. And as much bullshit and whatnot as I’ve heard them say and seen them do (while I try my best to get them out of it or at least show them they’re being fucked up in the nicest way possible) they’re still my old friends and I love them and I don’t want them to kill themselves. So, it’s very complicated.
I’m not defending men who’ve done awful things to women, kids, trans/queer people and other men. I’ve cut ties to those who went too far.
Maybe it’s a chicken or the egg thing but I think the problem with so many men’s abusive behavior is more attributed to the way men are conditioned and the way we’re supposed to be the strong, stubborn, warrior-types but a lot of us will never live up to that and that’s okay with me.
I just hope people understand that it isn’t cool to blame someone - any person - for internalizing shit, especially if they themselves had been abused in their life. If that person fucks up, at some point or another, they’ll realize what they did was wrong and they’ll feel like a monster and then they might kill themselves. If not, the universe will sort ‘em out.